confused

ive been very confused lately. about many things. but most of all my mother's death. she died last december of lung cancer. i was heartbroken. but the truth is i believe that if she had not died my life wouldnt be this way today. i like the way my life is right now. it scares me, however that i dont with her death had never happened. i am sad about it sometimes but i dont know... i just feel as though someone higher then me (god?) knew that she had done all she could to make the me the person that i am today. she had don her part in my life. does this mean im better off without her? its hard to say... but its hard for me to think and know that im not sure if i would bring her back if i had the chance. i do miss her dont get me wrong. and i do wish i still had her in my life, im just so conflicted about this whole thing and it scares me. my brother lyle has told me how lucky i am not to have the restraints that he had when she was alive. my dad gives me more freedom. im able to do more things then he was able to do. i know i should want her back. and hate the fact that she's gone and all of that. it scares me that everything really does happen for a reason. even the scariest, most awful things.

Tori Fried

so theres this amazing girl. and her name is Tori Fried (oreo for short) she's basically one of my best friends in the entire world. and yesterday..... she convinced me to make a blog. and here it is!